As an agnostic Jew, I don't really believe what I'm about to say, but I thought I'd put it out there, just for fun.
In 1978, when he was 37 years old, Dick Cheney made a deal with the devil. He made this deal while having his first heart attack. In return for his life, he promised Satan that he would do everything he could to destroy America, which in turn, would make the entire world a much worse place, and assuredly bring about the end of days.
Satan took the deal.
Over the years, G-d tried to step in and take Cheney out by striking him with 3 additional heart attacks, but the dark force was too strong. Lucifer covered him.
However, G-d hasn't given up yet. He tried a different tactic today, but it didn't work. I'm sure he'll keep trying.
From The New York Times:
Tests Reveal Blood Clot in Cheney’s LegPublished: March 5, 2007
WASHINGTON, March 5 — Vice President Dick Cheney was treated today for a blood clot in his left leg that independent experts said was probably not related to his history of heart disease, but rather the result of his recent around-the-world trip, which included 65 hours of plane travel over 9 days.
Mr. Cheney’s office said the vice president experienced “mild calf discomfort” sometime after delivering a late morning speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars and visited his doctor’s office at George Washington University.
An ultrasound revealed a deep venous thrombosis, a blood clot, in the lower portion of his left leg. He was treated with anti-coagulant medication, which he will take for several months, and he returned to work. Although blood clots in the leg can be dangerous if left untreated, experts say most are successfully treated with the anti-coagulant drugs that the White House says Mr. Cheney is now receiving.
In September 2005, Mr. Cheney underwent surgery to repair aneurysms, bulges in the arteries that can spawn dangerous blood clots, behind both knees. Doctors implanted devices known as stent-grafts in each of Mr. Cheney’s legs.