Saturday, November 06, 2004

New Fall Shows !

The night after the election, Jon Stewart said, "I get it now. Now I understand what they mean by the culture war...Will & Grace - red states, no like-y"

So in the interest of unity, I am submitting these new fall TV shows:

1. Law & Order: Every Fetus Unit
Lead Actors: Toby Keith, Patricia Heaton, Ben Stein, & Tom Selleck as "The Chief"
Synopsis: Each week, Detectives Zygote & Oocyte from Operation Rescue are on the case when the word gets out that a women is about to make a choice about her own body.

2. Law & Order: Library Book Unit (Other title considered: L&O: Patriot Act Unit)
Lead Actors: Ron Silver, Heather Locklear, Angie Harmon, & Dennis Miller as "The Boss"
Synopsis: Each week, Detectives Tap & Track are on the case when they learn that libraries are letting people photo copy books like Our Bodies, Ourselves and Origin of Species in order to skip the check-out process.

3. CSI: Alabama
Lead Actors: Kelsey Grammer, Bo Derek, Shanon Doherty, & Sarah Michelle Gellar
Synopsis: After Roe v Wade is overturned, crime scene investigators are dispatched after several hangers are found in motel rooms & alleys.

4. The West Right Wing
All-star cast includes Bruce Willis, Clint Eastwood, James Woods, & Mel Gibson as GW Bush
Synopsis: Not needed - just read the paper

5. Will & Grace
BIG changes here. The character of Will will be going through a big change. He will find a church-based psychiatry program that teaches him that he can change his homosexual ways.
But, set those VCRs! In A Very Special Will & Grace episode, after months of suppressing his natural core being, Will snaps. In complete desperation, he has unprotected sex with some rough trade and brings home some very special HIV to his loving wife, Grace. Oh well...It's back to the reprogrammers for Will!!

6. Fox News Channel -- no change


Jim Marquis said...

I loved your new shows! You have a sharp wit.

M said...

I love Lizzy.

Snave said...

Those are hilarious! LOL! Britney Spears would have to have her own show. As for Mel Gibson, I think he should play Jesus in a weekly shitcom. It could be called something like "Waiting For a Miracle".

I still like the idea of Orrin Hatch and John Ashcroft hosting a musical variety show. They would each perform music from their CDs every week, and guest artists could include Brooks and Dunn and most of the modern country music bunch, Ted Nugent, Aerosmith, Britney, etc.

Snave said...

Hatch and Ashcroft's show could be called "The Bland Old Opry".

veggiedude said...

Yup, very funny. But sad at the same time.

Okay, Bush has won, but look on the bright side of things. It means Hillary in 2008! I have the "Blogs for Hillary '08" on my site. Feel free to lift it.

Lizzy said...

Thanks everyone. I knew you would like them. Snave's additional show ideas cracked me up.

When I was putting it together, I had to look up Republican actors. I was surprised that there were so many.

veggiedude, As far as Hillary in '08, I'd have to think about that one. I will elaborate more in an upcoming post.

Jim Marquis said...

I really like Hillary but she (and this is not all her fault)comes equipped with a LOT of baggage.

But, hey, there's no rush figure it out. If she comes across as one of the Dems' strongest Senators the next couple of years I may have to rethink my position.

One thing I hope is that we start out with a much smaller field of primary candiates. When you have 9 or 10 people debating each other it just gives the Republicans way too much sound bite material for later.

Snave said...

Thanks for the positive comments, Lizzy.

J.Marquis, you are right. With too many candidates in the primaries, it makes it tough for them to distinguish themselves from one another, and they make negative comments about their opponents which come back to bite the party on the butt once Rovenstein gets his crooked fingers into the process.

I think that right around November 2007 the party needs to hold some large-scale meetings, maybe a pre-convention as it were, to scale down the large number of candidates. I think they should have two or three tops.

Jim Marquis said...

By the way, Jimmy Smits will be guest starring on a very special episode of NYPD Blue State this week.

Lizzy said...

Those "very special" episodes are always my favorite. : )

Damien said...

And I shall be copying this site promptly, very funny material, you shoud write for SNL, no really.

Lizzy said...

Thanks, Damien!