Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Laugh break

Every once in a while, something really stupid comes across my desk. In these wicked times, sometimes you just need a laugh, so without further ado....

15 Facts About Chuck Norris:

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his footbroke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhartwhile she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

5. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

7. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

8. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

9. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

10. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

11. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

12. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

13. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fuckin."

14. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

15. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

If you don't like those, check this out: Angry Alien Productions (I hope you like bunnies!)


Damien said...

Awe man I loved the Chuckster, Again I can't beleive the year went so fast - Hey I wish yoy and everyone a Merry Christmas and an even happier New Years, catch you in 2006 Lizzy.

Jim Marquis said...

Frickin' hilarious, Lizzy. I'm going to steal it and forward it on to some friends.

Lizzy said...

Glad you liked them.

Happy holidays!

Snave said...

Them be mighty fine!

Go Chuck Norris Nation!!!