Friday, October 07, 2005

Uncle Richard rules.

Other than my sister, the Bill O'Reilly fan, I come from a long line of proud American liberals. This administration in particular has made us all more politically active because we hate what they have done to our country.

After reading this ridiculous column by well known rich ad executive and restauranteur, Jerry Della Femina, my Uncle Richard wrote a wonderful letter to the editor.

As much as I hate to reprint stupid articles on my blog, you have to read what this ignoramus wrote to understand my uncle's reply. Here is that column:

By Jerry Della Femina
East Hampton Star

I was flying. I was late for a meeting with one of my clients so I was speeding on the Saw Mill River Parkway. The last time I looked at the speedometer it said 75 - then I stepped on the gas.
The first thing I noticed in my rear view mirror was the flashing red light. Then that loud piercing beeping sound that says, "I've got you, sucker." Followed by the voice of God that says ominously, Pullover: Naturally I complied and sat in my car as the police officer ambled over in his best John Wayne walk.

The officer came up and said, "License and registration."
"It's not my fault officer," I said.
"You were speeding at 83 miles per hour and it's not your fault?"
"No, sir," I said, thinking fast. "It's George W. Bush's fault.
"What did you say?" asked the officer, his eyes narrowing. I said, "It's George Bush's fault."
He thought for a second."Of course, you're right. These are federal roads - the fact that you can speed on them is because they are here thanks to the federal government. Bush is President. He's at fault. He's at fault for everything that's wrong in this country. Change that - he's at fault for anything that's wrong in this world. Why didn't we listen to Barbra Streisand and Rosie O'Donnell before the last election?"

Then he poured his heart out to me. "I had a fight with the misses this morning and we were really screaming at each other. She said she's had it with me sitting home on Sunday drinking beer, smoking cigars, and belching while I watch the Jets losing like dogs."

All of a sudden we stopped and looked at each other and said, "Why are we fighting? It's not our fault. It's Bush's fault."
"Oh," I said. "Those miserable Jets. I watched that game, too. Weren't they terrible? But you know I don't blame Herman Edwards who was a gutless coach even when he had a quarterback
with a working arm. You know who I blame?"
"I know," said the policeman. With that we both shouted out "BUSH"and highfived each other.

"Good to meet you," he said, handing me back my license. "And Jerry, you can drive as fast as you want - just tell anyone who stops you that it's Bush's fault. They'll understand."

Getting stopped by my policeman made me even later for my client. When I got to his office, he was steaming. "You have some nerve showing up here late and keeping me waiting..."
"Before you say anything," I interrupted,
"It's Bush's fault."
"Of course it's Bush's fault," he said, "I should have known that." His mood changed. He smiled warmly. "Isn't this the best stretch of fall weather you have ever seen?"
"Global warming," was my terse reply.
"Bush's fault," he said.
"We've had global warming for the last thousand years. You would think Bush would end it this week," I said, sadly shaking my head. "He just doesn't care. The least he would do would be to call a conference in a Third World country," my client said.
"Or look real sad and bite his lower lip like the last guy did," I added.
"Let's forget Bush," I said changing the subject. 'How's business?"
"Never been better. Our stock is up."
I smiled and nodded.
"We are turning our greatest profit."
I smiled and nodded.
"We're hiring another thousand employees."
I smiled and nodded
"The only problem," he added, "is we're doing so well we can't keep up with
the demand so we're out of stock and that can hurt us."
"That's Bush's fault," I said. .
"That's exactly what I told my board of directors this morning. Remember how great we had it before we re-elected Bush. Imagine if we had Kerry as President."
We both were quiet for a second.
"No Bush, no Katrina." ,
"Katrina. Bush's fault," we both said.
"No Bush, no Hurricane Rita."
"Bush's fault," we mumbled.
"Gas prices."
"Bush's fault," we both chanted.
"That bombing in Bali."
"Bush's fault."

I left my client's office and came home. My wife, the beautiful Judy Licht, was fit to be tied.
"JT (our son) got a 58 in a Geometry test," she muttered.
"Bush's fault," I said. "No child will be left behind, indeed. The government should have to pay for his tutor. Bush is responsible although 58 is 20 points higher than I ever got in geometry."
"You only got a 38 in Geometry?" Judy screamed
"It wasn't my fault," I whined. "It was Eisenhower's fault. I settled down with a drink in my
hand and smiled.
"What's so funny?" Judy asked.
I can't wait until after the next election when we can all proudly say:

And here is my Uncle's letter to the editor:

Once again we see the use of a newspaper column to further one man's silly and dangerous political point of view. Della Femina writes in his most recent column that "Bashing Bush" is all the rage these days and Mr. Della Femina doesn't like it one bit.

Well, let us see if there is enough Bush Bashing or not....

He gets in as President when the Supreme Court overrules (5 to 4) the Florida's Supreme Court on a strictly State issue involving a Florida election law - an unprecedented act. Then...

1. He immediately gives a tax cut, which threatens the trillion dollar surplus of the Treasury. The surplus goes west and now we have the largest deficit in our country's history. (But Don't Bash Bush!)

2. We are savagely attacked on 9/11 and the world lines up with us to fight back against international terrorism. So what does he do? He leads us into war on a phony pretext. He starts a war against a country that had nothing to do with 9/11. Now 2,000 young Americans are dead (and counting) and thousands are crippled & wounded. Our National Treasure is pushed further over the edge and the world wonders who is this faux cowboy in the White House? (But Don't Bash Bush!)

3. He appoints cronies and incompetents to posts of sensitivity and importance then praises them when they screw up the jobs they should have never had in the first place. Remember
"You're doing a great job Brownie? He replaces the "Color Chart Alert" Homeland Security Director with the former hatchet man for the Impeachment Committee - who knows less about security than Jerry Della Femina does about being a restaurateur. (But Don't Bash Bush!)

4. He continues on his money raising, political bull throwing around the country while one of the states of the United States of America, the country he swore to protect, goes underwater. Then makes 7 photo-op trips in shirtsleeves to show he cares. (But Don't Bash Bush!)
Only 1200 to 1500 dead...but they voted Democratic.

5. The country may be threatened by a dangerous form of Avian Flu. Bush proposes violating long standing laws against using Federal troops in domestic affairs, and transferring Congressional appropriated funds for epidemic protection to - THE PENTAGON. The jerk wants Martial Law if we get sick. Is that just an excuse like WMDs? Maybe what he really wants is Federal troops rounding up people with colds (poor people and minorities especially) and putting them in guarded quarantine? (Remind you of anything that happened in Europe from 1932-1945?) But Don't Bash Bush!

6. Gasoline prices go thru the roof. Oil Companies record the greatest excess profits in the history of corporate earnings. BUT DON'T BASH BUSH!

7. Hey, appoint your personal attorney to the Supreme Court. "I know her," he says. Maybe the people of this country should, too. Seems like a hard assed, born again, Christian Right Fanatic who thinks her boss walks on water (except in New Orleans.) But Don't Bash Bush!

You know whom to BASH? Bash JERRY DELLA FEMINA and his fellow Republican knuckleheads. They voted for this rich, spoiled, military shirker, lunatic, sub intelligent, ex-drunk. The grandson of a Hitler lover and a guarantor of the safety of the Saudi Royal family whom he allowed to fly out of here after 9/11 after 15 of their countrymen terrorized our country.

The President is absolutely scary.
Absolutely Corporate Minded.
Absolutely Crony Afflicted, unread, uninformed, unaware and a dangerous joke...unfortunately the joke is on US!

Richard Higer
East Hampton, New York


Sheryl said...

That is a good letter. Did they print it in it's entirety?

Lizzy said...

I have not seen the paper it was published in, but as far as I know, they did.

Damien said...

At least folk like your uncle are keeping the GOP lackeys feet firmly planted in reality. I guess they have'nt come to terms with the fact that they voted for a complete moron.

Sheryl said...

That's actually impressive, considering it was a pretty long letter (as letters to the editor go.) :-)

Every time I write a letter to the editor, I end up having to go through it sentence by sentence trying to think of a way to say the same thing in a soundbite.

Snave said...

Our local paper only takes letters of 300 words or less, and mine usually start at about 400 words and require lots of editing in order for them to be under 300. There are three or four local guys who write icky conservative letters to the paper every other month or so. I can usually just look at who the letter was written by and I will pretty much know what the letter is going to say. I probably write about three letters to the editor per year, although if I responded to the loons each time they wrote, I would be writing a letter every week. One of the loons is a retired rancher who lives on a government paycheck each month, yet he continually writes to lambaste the government and "liberals"... go figure. Another is a "get us out of the U.N." type from a neighboring small town where he has tried (unsuccessfully so far) to get a local ballot measure passed declaring the town a "U.N.-free zone". Another regular writer is a religious fundamentalist who likes to rip into other religious (particularly Islam but also more liberal Christian sects) and blame everything wrong in America on declining morals due to not enough of us believing in exactly the same "God" in which he believes. Schiese!!

We all need to speak out in print from time to time. Lizzy, your uncle has done a great job! He should write letters to the editor fairly often I would imagine that if he lives in a metro area he could write frequently without people recognizing his name and thinking of him as a "frequent flyer" or a loon. I have to be careful not to write TOO often where I live, because I don't want to be branded as a letter-writing "crazy" (as I have so aptly branded the frequent conservative letter-writers in our paper!)

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