Friday, October 08, 2004

A Day In The Life Of Joe Q. Republican('t)

My friend, Motomama, turned me on to this.
Courtesy of Punk Ass Bitch:

A Day in the Life of Joe Q. Republican

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His meds are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, sausage and eggs. Joe's sausage is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry decades before.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays, vacation and an 8 hour day because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It's noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoyed throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

3 comments:

J. Marquis said...

I love this article. It makes me think of my late father. I loved him dearly but I always thought it was funny how he voted and talked like a "rugged" conservative even though our family had been helped by the government over and over via farm subsidy payments or welfare for my sister or Medicare to pay for a really expensive cancer operation...

Snave said...

I received this fun item about a month ago, and sent it to a conservative friend. He shot back, saying we should be thankful some stupid conservative voted to keep the military strong so it could defend our country, so the stupid liberals could do their thing. Arrrrgh... He did make his point, but I noticed to his credit that he didn't argue with any of the points the piece made about the good things the left wing has done for our country. If anything, his response seemed typical of the way many conservatives would rather focus in on war and military than the actual state of things here at home re. the economy, the environment, education, etc.

Mark said...

It's funny, I was driving to work today on a newly paved road, and passed by the new high school and thought about the same exact thing that this artice points out. I just wish the Democratic Party of today still stood for the same ideals that brought about those reforms. I have a new blog, you might check it out and give me some suggestions.